If you're anything like me, there's probably at least 1 person/place/event in your life that you feel has hurt you in some way. Maybe a partner that broke up with you, a boss that fired you, a group of kids that bullied you, or the loss of a child in a drunk driving accident.... the list is endless.
“No matter how much anger and resentment you have, it won't change the fact that the event still happened.”
Well, I'd like to talk to you today about forgiveness. There are many tools that can be used in the process of forgiveness, but we'll talk about just one of them today.
One tool that we can use in the process of forgiveness is compassion. Many people are reluctant to forgive, because they mistakenly believe that if they do, they are somehow agreeing with or condoning the person's actions. However, this is not how forgiveness works.
Forgiveness is really about acknowledging and accepting the situation for what it was, and realizing that no matter how you feel about the situation, you can not change it or take it back. What's done is done. No matter how much anger or resentment you have, it won't change the fact that the event still happened. This anger will fester inside of you, causing stress in your body and mind, and may end up causing illness or disease later on. No good can every come of this. Is it really worth the risk?
I'll be the first one to admit that sometimes, it's very difficult to release all the negative emotions around it, and unburden yourself so you can move forward in life. Most likely, they've moved on with their life without batting an eyelash, and they're actually not even looking for forgiveness from you. After all, they probably didn't even think they did anything wrong in the first place! Forgiveness is a process. Rome was not built in a day either.
Walk a Mile
“I don't hold it against her...she did the best she could with the knowledge and resources she had...which was almost nothing.”
Sometimes compassion involves walking a mile in the other person's shoes and seeing things from their perspective. I was talking with a woman years ago about how she felt unloved and neglected by her mother growing up. Her mother had married very young as a teenager, was with an alcoholic child molester, had 8 children, and was not a very warm and fuzzy, loving mother.
As I was listening to the woman's story, I said "I'm really sorry to hear that, it must have been pretty rough for you". The woman really surprised me when she said "you know, it was what it was, and I don't hold it against her...she did the best she could with the knowledge and resources she had...which was almost nothing'.
I thought that was a very profound thing for her to say, and I've never forgotten it. She was able to find compassion for her mother and let go of the judgements and the emotions surrounding her childhood, and was able to accept her mother for who she was without trying to change her. That's a lesson we all can learn and apply to many scenarios in our own lives.
Ok, so we've learned a little bit about forgiveness and compassion today. And there are many more tools that can be used in the process of forgiveness. Compassion is just one of them. If you have a person in your life that you've been hurt by - if you're feeling stuck in the process of forgiveness and unable to move forward, then I would highly encourage you to seek guidance. You don't have to do it alone.
If you'd like to work with me one-on-one and learn more tools of forgiveness, you can contact me directly on my website (www.trueinspiration.com) or you can call (860-635-7941) or email me at (firstname.lastname@example.org) and set up a free 10 minute consultation. I can help you get unstuck, and release that anger and resentment that's been holding you back. You deserve to have a happy and fulfilling life, and I am here as a resource for you to help you do that.
Thank you for being with me today. I love you and appreciate the time you took out of your day to read this. Has anyone out there been able to use compassion in their own lives to forgive someone or something? Share your example in the comments. And if you have any other topics that you'd like me to talk about, please leave a comment below.
I will see you next time with more True Inspiration.